Easter + Divine Intervention

Make special note of the tags still on the baskets...

Happy Easter!  We are spending the day celebrating the holiday and my grandma's birthday today so stay tuned for pics.  :)


I wish I could say that I'm prepared for this holiday, but as usual I'm not up to snuff.  I tried my best to think ahead: stock up on eggs, dye, and baskets and then have fun activities prepared for my little ruffians.  That's what a cool and awesome mom would do.  But a non-cool, totally busy working mom much like myself simply falls short on that because she often falls short on time.

But that's when divine intervention and just silly luck comes in.  Like last week when my only weekend goal was to take the boys to the park on Saturday morning with the intent to tire them out for a good long nap.  On my way to the park, I saw a big flashing-sign, "Easter Egg Hunt at the park at 11am."

It was only an hour away and I just happened to have baskets in my trunk (seriously - I had just bought them the day before and didn't take them out of my car for fear that the ruffians would destroy them before Easter  -- and they WOULD!).  Then we got to the park and I ran into my oblivious friend and her son and we decided to hunt eggs together.  It's like I planned it all out!  Only I didn't....  or did I? ;)

How about we all harbor a secret lie, and let's just say that I did plan it out (for the coolness factor).  This non-cool, totally busy working mom totally planned this perfect outing weeks ago!  It's like my blog banner says; I got this motherhood thing handled....

Too cool for Easter-Shirley

Why I Love Toddlers

I created this blog due to my excitement of my boys reaching the toddler stage.  I've said it before and I'll say it again, "I never wanted to have babies; I wanted kids!"  And now that I served my time passed the baby stages, I'm full-speed ahead into the toddler years! Lovin' every minute ('cept those tantrums!)

Here's a quick video update on why I love toddlers :)

-Shirley

Bitch Games

Diego came running out of his weekly speech therapy appointment last week with a huge grin on his face and holding a brand new, unopened Angry birds game.

His speech therapist told me she would let him "borrow" it.  She did what?!  I posted the picture above on Instagram with the tagline, "I hope she knows that she's not getting this thing back in tact!"  I could only think of the previous Angry Birds game we had and how between Diego the rough ruffian, Tater the ruffian that slobbers on everything, and furry Qori, the ruffian who associates the angry birds toys with dog's squeaky toys, this new game stood no chance.  I also fast-forwarded in my mind to the next speech therapy appointment and how Diego would react when I made him give it back.  Why would the speech therapist deliberately put me in the situation where I would need to fight fire against an inevitable tantrum? 

Bitch.

As we walked away from the speech therapist I thought I heard her say, "It's a brand new game, and since he's my favorite, I let him borrow it." Suddenly she wasn't a bitch anymore.  :)  Unless I misheard her and she actually said "Since I know Angry Birds is his favorite, I let him borrow it."  Well then - she would still qualify as a bitch.  Bitch!

During the past week I've been majorly busy at work, that it's been hard to even sit down and write a quick blog post, but at least three times this week I HAVE had time to worry about how the next speech therapy session will go when Diego has to give the game back.  How the Hell was I going to handle this?!  I stewed, I worried, I didn't really have time to think about it anymore, so I put it off and re-focused my mind on what pays my bills.

Until today came.  The day to give it back.  I picked up Diego from my parent's house (who had kept the game for safe keeping against Qori the dog).  My mother had placed the game in an obscure plastic bag.  Diego didn't even know or care what was in the bag.  Problem solved! Duh! and thanks mother!!!  That's how to tell between veteran mom and a newbie like me.  Here I was, actually planning to try to teach my son a life lesson on giving things back (shiny new plastically smelling things back).  What was I thinking???!

And then Diego came running and grinning out of his most recent speech therapy appointment holding ANOTHER new game, this time it was twice as BIG! 

Bitch!

-Shirley

Affordable Daycare

Meet my Dad affordable daycare provider.  When my kids get a little riled up, he knows just what to say to calm them down.

"Take it easy!" he tells them.

"Drink your coffee, smoke your cigarette, and drink your wine!"

Sensible advice to instill upon the young ruffians.  Now don't all you ladies jump in line all at once for this pristine daycare!  I'm the only one who gets a family discount....

-Shirley

Checkout the sage advice in action below....  Now you probably know who I get this comic genius from.  ;)

Wordless Wednesday: Canine Pillow

White Lies

I lie to my son.

It's automatic, and I don't feel bad about it.  It's the only way for us to sanely co-exist right now.  I spent some time with my good (but oblivious) friend over the weekend at the zoo.  She mentioned that sometimes she feels like she's not a good mother to her almost 2 year old.

Throughout the course of the zoo day, I bold-face lied to my son.  When we first got there, he was already in the middle of a temper tantrum and insisted that we go home.  There were only two ways this could go:  I could force him into the zoo and initiate the BIG BANG tantrum, or we could go home and he would win.  Through our mother/son conversation I saw a silver-lining that only had a few-seconds window of opportunity.  I snatched that opportunity like the seagulls snatched the burger from an unattended child at the zoo's food court - without regrets.  I promised my son that we would see the elephants which the San Francisco Zoo doesn't have (what kind of fucking zoo doesn't have an elephant!?).  And you know what - the tantrum was squashed. period. never to be resurrected.

And I continued to lie because - well - when your son is about to get lost and trampled in a crowd of saddistic assholes that want to watch the anaconda feeding, it's OK to say that there is another snake somewhere else that we can go see - and high-tail it out of there!  And when your son has mastered climbing the fencing around an enclosure, it's OK to tell him that the seal will eat him.

I just laughed each time, and jokingly said to my friend, "And you think you're a bad mom! I lie to my son!"

At that moment, my friend stopped in her tracks, her eyes glazed as if she was deep in thought, she made a decision at that moment and then she proclaimed her newest vow,

"I will always tell the truth to my son."  

(I did mention that she's oblivious - right?)

Good luck with that, biatch.  I watched her son during the entire day, and this almost-2yr old showed all the classic signs of on-coming terrible twos.  Signs that I was completely oblivious to 1 year ago.  He fought her and whined for everything, and my friend just dealt with it with the ignorance of a new mom, saying no but lovingly enabling and catering to his mini-tantrums, which I was also guilty of a year ago.  I didn't have the heart to tell her the battles that lie ahead of her.  Remembering the anguish that my son put me through, tantrum after tantrum that damn near left me crying in the corner in the fetal position!  After being put through the ringer, a seasoned mom chooses her battles and little white lies are the perfect weapon in her arsenal.  You want to see the monkeys fight?  OK let's go see the monkeys fight.  You wanna see the non-existent elephant?  OK let's go see the non-existent elephant.

I don't feel bad about it at all.  I was lied to as a child too.  I remember during a trip to Mexico I was promised (pinky-swear, blood brothers!) that we would go to a cave on the beach after 10pm where I would meet a real live MERMAID!  I remember being so happy and filled with excitement (This was before "Pirates of the Carribbean" exposed a whole new side of mermaids, those bitches!).  How could I be so LUCKY!  And you know what happened at 9pm?  I fuckin' fell asleep!  And you know what happened the next morning?  Not a damn thing because I didn't remember shit.  And you know what happened when I finally remembered?  Jack shit because the opportunity had already passed and it was a moot point.

What I'm trying to say is.................................................... shit I forgot.

Must be time to go to sleep, maybe I'll remember in a week when it's moot.

So here's a gratuitous picture of a grizzly bear that scared the shit out Diego when it came up to the glass and licked the window - Shirley

Someone let these Ruffians back into their enclosure!

Been there, done that

I probably should have been more cautious while knowing that Tater is just learning how to go down stairs. Complete mommy fail on me as I vainly snap selfie pics without any regard. It's just that, well - This kid is an old soul like his mama.  He's been here before, he remembers this whole stairs thing. That is - until the day he topples over.  - Shirley

Child Behind the Lens

I may have a future photographer on my hands soon. Maybe you'll see more pictures with me in the lens instead of behind it! That is - if my camera survives the inevitable pounding. This little ruffian figured out how to snap and even review pictures on my big-girl camera!

He's not too shabby for his first time either. Check out his first installment for his future portfolio. I He calls this installment:

"What Matters Most". LOL

P.S.  He kept saying he wanted to "Take a picture of Abu (Grandpa)" and I told him Abu wasn't here.  When he showed me the photo (3rd from the bottom) I understood.  Yes - my dad HAS been nicknamed "Bruce Lee" in the past due to his strikingly similar features. LOL!

Sneaky Devil

My car's electrical system has been failing more and more.  It started with the trunk not automatically closing and now it beeps EVERY friggin' time that I'm at a stop-and-go because it thinks one of my doors is open.  It's been beeping since December!  I just put up with it until I have money and time to fix it.

This morning I kept unlocking the doors of my car to get Diego out of his car seat.  Each time I unlocked it and tried to open his door I would find it still locked.  'Great!' I thought. 'More, electrical problems.'

I tried to unlock it at least 3 times before I realized that THIS little ass-hat had been locking the door from the inside each time I unlocked it.  I couldn't see the saboteur through the tinted windows.  When I caught him, he just smirked.

Good play, ass-hat. Good play - Shirley

Tupper Party - Ruffian Style!

Who says I can't have Tupperware parties with boys?

Blowin' all other Tupper parties out the water! - Shirley

Vlog: Cars Drink Milk

Cars need milk to be STRONG!

Life thru iPhone Pics - February 2013

I spent the month of February creating this new blog in my spare time (all of 5 minutes at any given moment).  And in the meantime, life went on.  You don't say???

Here are some great moments I spent with my iPhone family in February ;)  There were slim pick-in's since I excluded pics from our recent trip to Peru. Apparently while I was lovin' the Valentine's chocolates, the ruffians were lovin' the oven?

Do you have any fun February pics to share? - Shirley (Instagram: justshirley08)

The Pressure!

No, not cutting my hair.  Symbolic of me cutting ties with my old blog?  Perhaps.

There's so much pressure!  I need to make sure this first post is ready for the limelight when it reaches all 2 of you ;)

I'm extremely excited to release my new mommy, lifestyle blog!   The intent is to have a less inhibited and filtered author running the show because I've often restricted myself in my writing with my previous blog, though I've been getting better.  It's time to kill-off my "watcher at the gate" (my inner critic).  Die you sucker!  So let's get a few things out of the way first:

shit!
fuck!
ass!

Damn -

I can't believe I just did that.  

And no, it's not just cuss words that I restrict, so I hope to deliver a more unrestricted sense of motherhood, and my ultimate mission is to just have fuckin' fun with my kids.  (That last cuss really wasn't "me", but this can get addicting LOL)  I'm just going to keep having fun in the blog o'sphere and I hope you join me.

I've spent 3 years now, fighting the stitching of the "motherhood" label only to lay in disgust to eventually realize that the execs over at Nickmom have me pegged.  Damn you Nickmom execs!  I don't wear mom jeans and I didn't cut my hair, but those things didn't prevent me from ACTUALLY BECOMING A MOM and (gah!) and loving my spawn kids.   Now that both of my sons stopped sucking the all the bloody life out of me are not babies anymore, I'm looking at things so much differently, and I can actually declare that I'm fully excited to be a mom! (took me long enough!).  Hell yeah!

Still not cutting my hair though...

I'll probably eat my words later, as I often do, because if you know my sons, you'll know I've got my work cut out for me.  How could I be so excited to raise a pack of ruffians?  The answer can be found in their fangs laughter. Plus - motherhood has finally given me a solid excuse to go on a Disney cruise one day (when I have money again, and when my Hubby accepts that Mickey Mouse is not a symbol of everything that is wrong with America).  Isn't that enough of a reason?

So let's get this blog on the road! - Shirley (Mama Ruff)