At the beginning of this whole mess, the vet told me to look out for changes in your behavior. You might get extra clingy, or you might distance yourself. It's the pack mentality: if you no longer feel useful to the pack, you will start to prepare for your leave.
We had a scare on Friday that led us into the vet's office (here I was trying to skirt my responsibility by canceling Diego's weekly speech therapy, and my Friday still ended up stressful). Although there was blood involved, the vet seemed optimistic citing your ability to eat, drink, poop, pee, breath clearly and clot blood. I only felt a little better.
It's hard when the vet says it could be 3 days or 3 years. And looking at the bump on your nose grow bigger each day, I feel that 3 years in just not realistic. And what hurts more is that lately you've been asking to go out to the yard more often, and sometimes I catch you out on the deck just sitting there.... reflecting.
It hurts me to see that you'd rather be out there alone, than inside with me. It makes me wonder if you're preparing to leave our little ruffian pack. Is that it, Qori? Or does the cool breeze just make you feel better? I don't want to force you to come inside, so I let you take your time. Take as much as you need. But know that I feel so alone without you... and yet you're just on the other side of the sliding glass door. I wish I could tell you that you're still useful to our pack. That we (I) will need you until the bitter end.
And I know that you need me too. I'm here for you Qori.
The pack will stay together: through good times and bad.....
-Shirley (Mama-Ruff)
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