Let it be known, 4.25 Years later

When I was a University student, I was enjoying my single, bachelorette life but there was always a nagging desire to find "the one".  I never verbally let on to any of my single friends that there was something more that I truly longed for, but there was.  One day while on a lunch break, I sat in the cafeteria with my friend Sandra and her classmate Joe.  I don't know what I was on, but I blurted out that 'I just wanted to be in love and in a steady relationship'.

"HA!" Joe laughed in my face.  (He was apparently trying to play things cool in front of Sandra; we both knew he had a thing for her.)

I don't remember how I reacted to Joe.  It didn't even matter.  It was just the fact that I let it out.  I let it be known.

And a few weeks later I was introduced to my future Hubby.  That was the kicker!  Coincidence?

So now of course after my previous post where I let it all out, with my sad, tiny violin story about how all I wanted was to have a nice family day at the beach without incident:  you guessed it!  I got it!!!!!

What an abrupt change!  I was at my wit's end when I wrote that last post.  I didn't see things changing anytime soon.  I had given up.

So this weekend, we took Qori to the beach since he loves to swim.  I didn't even try to suggest that Diego take off his shoes or go into the water.  He stood there watching Qori and his brother wade in the water.

And early on he turned to me and said, "Mama, I want to try it out.  I'm not shy."

I said, "What -- you want to go in the water?!"

"Yes," he said calmly.

I was skeptical.  Even as I was removing his shoes, I kept saying, "If you don't like it, don't worry.  You don't have to go in the water.  I'll just put your shoes back on."

His bare feet touched the sand first, which worried me because he couldn't even touch sand with his hands when he was younger, let alone with his feet.  This critical moment and his reaction would set the mood for the rest of our evening.

......And after 4.25 years of me waiting for him to get over his sand and water phobia and not go into a tantrum distress at the beach, he walked over to the small lagoon and put one foot in.........

.................and I got my wish! 

For hours......

There were no tantrums.  It was just a tranquil day at the beach filled with smiles.  And on the way home, they fell asleep -- just like I described in my wish.  Everything was just, tranquil.  To any other person, this is just another day, but you don't understand, to me it's a miracle!  It's a culmination after 4.25 years of NEVER being able to just have a nice family day at the beach.  I was so happy for those hours.  I felt complete.  I've been re-invigorated on motherhood (still not having another baby though!!!!)

So now, I'd just like to let it be known that all I want in life is to win the lottery jackpot ;)

Hey, it's worth a shot!

-Shirley (Mama-Ruff)

Breakthrough

After writing that last post, I've been trying to handle things differently both mentally and physically with Diego.  I'm yelling at him less and trying to make those piercing shrieks of anger slide off my back.  And when things are good, I make sure to show him more affection and tell him that I love him.

This past weekend, we had what I considered a breakthrough.  It was Sunday morning and the boys began fighting over the Wii as they always do (Pictured above is how they "hate" on each other when each is playing on the Wii).  After Diego played his round, I held my ground and announced that it was Mateo's turn to play on the Wii.  Diego started into a tantrum, which I ignored.  His tantrum was beginning to escalate.

Just then I heard a knock on the door.  This will have been the third! time that my brother inlaw has shown up to our house on our family Sunday unannounced within the last couple of months.  I was so annoyed with him, yet graciously welcomed him and now his 9 year old son, Andrew into our home.

The problem was that Diego was still in full-on tantrum mode....

He was mad at his brother for taking the Wii, he was mad at his cousin Andrew because Mateo then let Andrew play with the Wii, he was mad at the world.  He went into our master bedroom and slammed the door with the force of an adult.  He came out with pillows and started throwing them in his brother's and cousin's direction while they played.  I intervened, but minimally, keeping my assertive tone and yet calm voice.  Especially after my last experience with my brother inlaw as summarized in my recent FaceBook post:

I just kept washing dishes in the kitchen and telling Diego not to throw things at his brother and cousin.  I tried to let things slide off my back, I didn't get mad; only stern, and I went about my business.  Diego was no longer screaming but was walking around with a pissed-off face and a look that said, "I'm trying to think of something bad to do."

After about 30 minutes, Diego came to me in the kitchen and out of left field said,

"I'm sorry, Mama!"

At first I didn't even know why he was apologizing to me.  It's not like he threw pillows at me!  I honestly could not believe that those words had so sweetly and kindly come out of his mouth!  I wasn't even looking, expecting, or thought that I deserved an apology!  10 minutes later Diego and answer were swapping their Wiis and Nintendo DS's and playing different levels of Mario Bros.

Later that day, after his cousin left and we played in the backyard, Diego started reflecting on his day.


"Mama, I was a bad boy, but then I turned into a GOOD boy!" he said.

Yes, Diego.  You turned into a good boy.

And I turned into mush.

What a breakthrough!

-Shirley (Mama-Ruff)

For Love of Pumpkins

I underestimated this kid's love of pumpkins.  He practically attacked the speech therapy intern for the whole bag of pumpkin candies instead of the one candy he was being offered!  I experienced a classic mommy-fail moment and gave in to the tantrum and bartered with him.

If you stop crying, I will buy you your own bag.  Deal?

Deal....

I thought he'd grab anything in the candy aisle, or maybe go for the biggest bag,  but he was very specific.

"Halloween," he kept saying.

Until I found the bag of pumpkins.   He turned into a kid in a candy store...... literally.




His speech therapy intern has always given him lollipops and other candies, and yet he's never had a tantrum like this before for the WHOLE bag!  After a day of giving it some thought, it all started to come together: 

• How happy he is talking about pumpkins.  
• How he talked about an Angry Bird pumpkin  (how does a 3 year old remember pumpkins from the previous year?!).  
• How excited he was picking his pumpkins last year.  More excited than I saw him at Disneyworld!  I mean, I never heard him say "I want to go home" at the pumpkin patch.  
• How he nearly tackled his speech therapy intern for a bag of pumpkin candies.

 It's a good thing we're going to the pumpkin patch tomorrow!

-Shirley (Mama-Ruff)